Category Archives: Writing

May 13

Midnight Writer

At 4am I wrote the most awesome blog post ever.  Seriously.  It was brilliant.  The topic was timely, the funny was hilarious and the writing was spectacular.  I wrote it all in my head.  Can I remember a word of it?  Ummm, no.  Can I remember the subject matter?  Nope, not a chance.

Why didn’t I get up and put pen to paper?   Why?????

It was 4am and I was all nestled in my bed so the chances of me getting up to record the most amazing creative streak was slim to none anyways.  I guess that’s why I’m a blogger and not a world famous writer.  I appear to be lacking in the commitment, right?  Right.

So here I am.  Wracking my brains trying to remember what it was about and I’m turning up blanks.  Just like that brilliant concept for a TV show that I had and the great melody that rang through my sleepy brain, gone.  All of it complete genius, lost forever to the land of nod.

It is possible I suppose that just like things seem worse in the middle of the night, perhaps my genius seems more clever than it actually is.  Perhaps the sleep goggles are magnifying my creative streak of brilliance.  Objects in the mirror are closer than they appear, creative thoughts in the night are less smart than you believed.  This could be true.  But until I can remember we’ll never really know, will we?  For now, lets just say that I am a wealth of creative energy between 3- 4am each night and for now I’m just keeping it all to myself.  So there.

Jan 20

Easy for You to Say

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Are there words out there that you just can’t say?  I know a lot of people are not down with the swears, unlike me of course.  I’m not talking about the C words or the F words or other such glorious adjectives.  I’m talking about normal, every day words in the English language that you just cannot stand and will never fall from your lips.  As an example, my lovely friend A, she can’t say the word “moist”.  Not even in reference to the ’90’s Canadian rock band of the same name.  She can’t say it.

For me, its “Hubby”.  That is the only time you will ever see the “H” word in print on this blog.  I cannot stand it.  Not before I was married, not now that I am married.  It makes the hair on my neck stand on end.  It makes me crazy with irritation.  I never say it and I never will.  Even under duress.  Like Dick Cheney couldn’t even get it out of me.

Don’t get me wrong, it has nothing to do with my husband.  As a matter of fact, if I actually asked him I’m quite sure he’d say he hates the word too.  Maybe its because its overly cute.  In a “You’re my h-word wubby chubby bear” sort of way.  Of course, we have terms of endearment that we share between each other but I’m not sharing those here (no offense, but we’re not THAT close) so you know, I should cast no stones.  BUT, I still freaking hate it.

There are other words that I don’t favor.  Words like wonderful.  I avoid using wonderful only because it feels a little overdone to me, kind of like Wrecking Ball era Miley Cyrus.  But its not the same sort of vitriolic disdain that I have for “H”.  Or a word like testicles because, well, ew.  Old “H” simply takes the cake as being the word I hate the most.

I apologize to all you “H” word lovers.  Of course, I hope we don’t have to break up over this.  Clearly this is a its-not-you-its-me-moment so how about we just agree to disagree?  And you fellow “H” word haters, you can join my Facebook group…just kidding.  I hate those too.

 

Nov 20

Reality Bites…

Ok.  I suck.  I am a bad bad bad blogger.  Everyone says “Best practices.  Blog at least twice week.”  Yeah, that is NOT my best practice these days.  Writing for me is feast or famine.  Sometimes I can see the humor and inspiration in everything.  Other times, it just doesn’t happen.  The truth is that right now, I just feel like everything I want to write about sounds whiny and douchey.

Like wahhh, I just cleaned up vomit and urine off the bathroom floor in the span of 10 minutes.  Or why does everyone in my family refuse to put dishes in the dishwasher, like they expect little elves will miraculously arrive and take care of this for them?  See what I mean.  The mundane realities of life with kids can be hilarious and most days it is.  But right now, I just feel vapid and sucky to complain.

The world can cast a dark pall on every day life.  My minuscule issues pale in comparison to those major life altering problems facing my friends and humanity.  Yes, very dark thoughts indeed.  I suppose finding the humor in the mundane is the only hope for forging through daily life with some sense of hope and perchance a sparkle of joy.  Laughing at reality is the only hope for surviving this drama called life.

Don’t get me wrong.  I’m not sitting in a dark room feeling sorry for myself.  I just struggle sometimes with whether the words I put on paper are completely insensitive to the world spinning around me.  Like Kim Kardashian’s shiny, voluptuous backend on the cover of Paper Magazine in the midst of one of the largest campaigns for awareness of women’s rights and anti-objectification movements since Gloria Steinem banned the bra. See, I just struggle with that level of insensitivity…

So there you have it.  I am shiny big ass trying to make you laugh…

Thank you Jimmy Fallon & Brian Williams and all the very talented people that made this video. It did the trick for me today.

Oct 16

Bad Blogger…

Me these days....

Me these days….

Jayzus!  I am a bad blogger.  I can’t even remember the last time I sat down and wrote a post.  I’ve been waiting for an inspiring reason to write (read: non-boring reason) but I just can’t seem to come up with anything that I feel is worthwhile.  So I guess I’ll write an apology instead.

Sorry.

There, are you happy?

Life just takes over sometimes and kids, career, husband, home maintenance, families and holidays take over my brain power and I simply don’t have the bandwidth to put it all down on paper (ok, laptop).  What can I say?

We’re fighting with the people that built our house over deficiencies which is SUPER FUN.  And when I say SUPER FUN, I mean in a total nightmare sort of way.  The work stuff is crazy as we just completed office renovations and are juggling unpacking and refurnishing with the daily chaos that is what we call in the music business Q4 aka the time when EVERYTHING happens.

The kids are completely obsessed by Halloween.  These are the most common phrases heard in our house these days:

5. “I want to be a cat for Halloween.  Can you get me a cat costume?  I know I wanted to be a Zombie Vampire Devil yesterday.  But now I want to be a cat.  Puuuhhhhlleeeazzze can you get me a cat costume.” – Shorty #1

4. “We need more decorations.” – Shorty #1

3. “This Halloween I want to be a Bumble Bee.  Next Halloween I want to be Spiderman.” – Shorty #2 who will clearly be disappointed when she realizes that successive Halloweens take place exactly one year apart.

2. “We don’t have enough decorations.  Can we go to the store and buy more?” – Shorty #1

And the #1 most heard phrase at our house these days:

1. “Is TODAY Halloween???” – Shorty #1 and #2

I’m continuously searching for a delicate way to explain that we have another two whole weeks of waiting!

We’re invited to a Gala on Friday night.  Which is lovely.  But no one can tell me what the expected dress code would be for said Gala.  I’m thinking then its perfectly acceptable to wear my fave Smythe blazer, jeans and heels.  RIGHT?  Please say yes.

Otherwise, its just life.  Day to day busy that all of you are experiencing too.  So just know that I love that you still come visit The R&R Mom and I love that you still care.  I promise that as soon as I can get my shit together and come up with a brilliant thing to write about, you’ll be the first to know.

XO

Sep 3

The Blog Tour: Its Like A Pyramid Scheme… But Better

So my friend the grifter, Miss Teen USSR nominated me for this thing called a “Blog Tour”.  est. 1975 nominated the Teen Beauty Queen (among other fab blogs) you can check it out here.  Like a great pyramid scheme, it is clearly expanding my horizons on the other most fabulous writers out there slogging it out on their laptops posting blogs that make me laugh, make me cry and make me think.  But before I share my favorite blogs, here are some answers to the obligatory questionnaire which will explain more about who I am and why I can’t stop writing.

PS – Of course I had to do this right away because I am an anal-retentive type-A control freak that can’t stand it when there’s something that needs to get done.

1. What Am I Working On?

Besides my day job, I’m trying to make a more concerted effort to promote The Rock and Roll Mom.  I’m not sure why as there really isn’t a grand plan in place.  I think its because I’m narcissistic.  (See what I did there?  I hyperlinked my own blog while writing a post for the same aforementioned blog.  Raging ego alert!)

2. How Does Your Work Differ From Other Work in Your Genre?

Its a disjointed, stream of consciousness collection of my random thoughts.  The only thing that ties it all together is me.  See?  Narcissist.

3. Why Do I Write What I Do?

I’m bossy and I over share.  The perfect combination for a narcissistic blog writer.

This is what I look like when I'm hard at work. But imagine smaller boobs, hunched posture and stray hairs popping out of that perfectly coiffed bun.

This is what I look like when I’m hard at work. But imagine smaller boobs, hunched posture and stray hairs popping out of that perfectly coiffed bun.

4. How Does Your Writing Process Work?

In the shower, falling asleep, driving – all places where I can’t actually write something down is usually when the inspiration strikes and then I write the blog in my head.  I run to the computer dripping wet, climb out of bed, pull the car over and I forget everything I thought of.  If I just sit at my computer waiting for an idea to come, I’m completely screwed.  Did I lift the veil a little too much there?

Three Blogs I Recommend:

I am a MAJOR fan of the two people I mentioned at the beginning of this blog.  They are funny and they are authentic.  So do yourself a favor and check them out.  In the meantime, here are 3 more writers that deserve your love:

The Queen of Green – Lindsay Coulter is a guardian of the planet.  She shares amazing tips and ideas for ways to live a greener, happier life.  I have a secret crush on her.  She too was a VancouverMom.ca Top 30 Mom Blogger this year and I was so starstruck, I couldn’t talk to her.

Robin Esrock (formerly Modern Gonzo) is a real legit published writer now, but you won’t be disappointed if you subscribe to his travel blog.  He’s funny and his quirky view of the world and the importance of travel is super fun.

The Adventures of Fanny P.  I love to read Fanny’s posts.  Not just because she lives in Italy and I’m silently living vicariously, but because her writing is real and authentic.  The heartbreak she writes about is real and true and your heartbreaks for her.  When she’s happy and grateful, you remember  the blessings in your life.

So that’s it.  The Queen of Green, Robin Esrock and Fanny P – you’re up.  At least you don’t have to pour a bucket of ice water over your head.  Oh yeah, and send me $100 each.

XO

The R&R Mom

 

 

May 22

File Under: Blatant Self Promotion

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A great big thanks to VancouverMom.ca for selecting The Rock and Roll Mom as one of the Top 30 Vancouver Mom Bloggers.  I started this blog because I love to write and everyday life just doesn’t provide enough opportunity for that creative outlet.  Before I started the R&R Mom, you should have seen the notes I wrote to the Shorties’ teachers.  Seriously, its amazing to me that all of you actually read what I write (and come back again to read more).  Now to be honored by my fellow Vancouver Moms, its really kinda sweet.

So thank YOU for clicking though and having a read (and I hope having a laugh here and there) and thank YOU VancouverMom.ca for caring enough to acknowledge the genre of Mom Blogs!

xoxo

 

Apr 23

All the News That’s Fit to… Wait. What?

Don’t get weird, but I’m about to pull out the soapbox.  Are you ready for it?

What the hell is happening to the news?  I know this is not a new complaint as the past few weeks have been a perfect example of the stupidity that the 24 hour news cycle breeds. CNN has been on a loop about this lost plane, positing theories from terrorism to aliens as explanations to the unexplainable.  Oscillating blame from the pilots to real bad guys to simple mechanical failure.  No one really knows what happened, so lets create hours and hours of television and let everyone just guess.  Who cares if they contradict one another or even themselves.  Just keep guessing – that’s what news has become.

When was it that journalism got so sloppy?  Gone are the days of the hardcore editor sitting behind his desk, cigar stub hanging from his lips, yelling at the junior reporter; “But its not news kid!”  “Can you PROVE it?”  That guy must be rolling in his grave when he reads the headlines these days.  News is no longer based in just the facts, editorial has seeped into the mainstream news and opinion seems to be the default proof when the hard facts prove to be too elusive.

I know, I know.  Its not a recent problem – its been going on for a long time now.  And to be honest its bothered me for a long time.  But today just seemed to be the day that it broke me.  Scrolling through my news pages and twitter feed today I was struck by the posts by Christiane Amanpour reporting on the state of play in Crimea when right in the middle of all this REAL news there’s a post about a fight between Russia and the Ukraine being about who invented the recipe for Chicken Kiev.  I kid you not.  WTF is that all about?  Christiane?  Is that you?  Did you hire US Airways social media department to run your Twitter account?  Come on!  Of all the real true journalists left in this world, how can you mention the expulsion of the Crimean leader in one post and then a f%^&ing recipe in the next???

Christiane Amanpour tweets about Chicken Kiev and the crisis in the Ukraine.

Christiane Amanpour tweets about Chicken Kiev and the crisis in the Ukraine.

The next thing that got me today was an article in The Globe & Mail.  For decades, the Globe has been a pillar of Canadian print media.  This has been a credible national daily newspaper.  But lately they seem to be fixated on a potential real estate bubble happening in the Canadian housing market.  Weekly and sometimes daily for the past few months they have been the harbinger of doom for the Canadian real estate market and who knows – they could be right – but today’s article absolutely took the cake.  Today they published an article about a possible exploding bubble that could see a reduction in home prices of as much as 25% within a year.  Included in the article was a calculator so you could see just how much money you would lose if your house was to lose 25% of its value.  Filled with disclaimers, they included this calculator on their iPhone app.  To be fair it also allowed you to slide the scale of the percentage from the potential 25% loss to a possible 25% gain.   But still – HOW IS THIS NEWS?  By offering the quick click through to a calculator which defaults to the doom and gloom of a 25% loss in value seems to only perpetuate fear on something based in speculation and not fact.  Furthermore, isn’t the housing market based on speculation so if you continue to propose that there is a housing bubble about to burst and spoon feed this to the masses will this not become a self-fulfilling prophecy?

I work with the media so much and while some writers are great and actually check their facts, most rely on Wikipedia to check for accuracy.  Wikipedia?  Are you kidding me?  Granted, I work in entertainment and getting someone’s first album title correct is not a matter of life or death.  But these are the simple things that should be done right. Perhaps this is a symptom of our voracious need for news and information.  We crave it.  We breathe it.  We literally hold it in the palms of hands all the time.  We need news and we need it faster than ever.  There isn’t time to make sure that the news that’s coming out of our “trusted” sources is accurate or even good information.  Its just information that we are clambering after at an alarming pace.  I guess I have to blame myself for needing to read 20 news apps every morning and expect new and different information with each one.  Can I really complain when Christiane Amanpour has to fill column space with recipes?

Apr 7

Block Rockin’ Beats

I’m blocked.  I wish I wasn’t, but clearly I am.  I love to write and when I’m inspired I can write a blog post in 10 minutes flat.  But sometimes, its like pulling teeth.  I’d rather not write crap, but lately I’ve been in a writing rut and its been really hard to sit down and type like the wind.

What do I do?  Its everyday life that inspires me for topics.  But I guess lately I’ve just been too busy and stressed to see the comedy that everyday life provides.  So now what?  How do I reignite the passion?

Maybe I’m thinking about you too much.  It was easier to write when I didn’t think anyone would read what I had written.  But now those stats loom and the number of very nice people like you that actually read this thing is going up.  It was one thing when I thought I was simply entertaining my Mom (Hi Mom!).  But now that strangers are reading this, I feel a little exposed and self-conscious.  Well, then why did I start posting a blog anyways?  Right?  Geez.  I’m like Kim Kardashian complaining about paparazzi.  C’mon lady, get over yourself.

Maybe that is the answer.  Stop Kardashian-ing.  Stop thinking about anyone else.  Keep looking for the funny in the monotony of daily life and remember why I like to write rather than trying to write what people want to read?  Well, then I’m off to go find a good fart joke to inspire me…