D-BAD: Grocery Store People

D-BAD aka DON’T BE A DOUCHE.  Each week I get to call out someone/ someplace or something for being a total DOUCHEBAG.  Its when I get to vent and take out my frustration on whatever makes me nuts each week, are you in?  Feel free to share your D-BAD’S anytime!

Dear Grocery Store People:

This is all pretty simple.  Every week we get together, always at your place.  I bring piles of cash that I give to you in exchange for a lot of stuff.  I ask for very little in return except for just a couple very small obvious things…

1. Please don’t sell me food that is rotten.  Sure, it could be like a party game – did I get the lucky box of strawberries that’s all moldy in the centre?  I mean sometimes this happens and you don’t even know.  But when you have to forensically inspect every lick of produce before its in the cart, we kind of have a problem.

2. Hand sanitizer.  Please put it EVERYWHERE.   At the very least keep it around the raw meat – but everywhere would be preferred.  I mean, there is nothing more repulsive than picking up a pack of chicken dripping with bloody chicken juice.  I know I’m a germaphobe – but I am pretty sure I’m not alone in this.

That’s it.  That’s all I ask.  So listen Grocery Store People.  Get your shit together and DON’T BE A DOUCHE.

Love,

The R&R Mom

D-BAD: Noisy Cell Talking Lady

D-BAD aka DON’T BE A DOUCHE.  Each week I get to call out someone/ someplace or something for being a total DOUCHEBAG.  Its when I get to vent and take out my frustration on whatever makes me nuts each week, are you in?  Feel free to share your D-BAD’S anytime!

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Dear Noisy Cell Talking Lady:

Just when I thought my week might be lacking in D-BAD inspiration, I ran into you in the store today.  The conversation you were having on your cellphone appeared to be riveting.  Not that I was eavesdropping, we merely entered the shoe department to your verbal assault.  I’m sure whoever you were talking about would love to know your thoughts and opinions on their new relationship and be thrilled that you let me, my 7 year old and half the store know that they “hadn’t had sex yet.”  Awesome.  I was actually dying to know… and so was my 7 year old frankly.

It was great to bump into you a second time in the lingerie department while I was searching the discount bin for bargain dainties.   I was riveted to hear your thoughts on the state of yet another poor couple’s relationship as you bellowed across the racks “Why don’t they get a divorce? I mean, gaaawd, why doesn’t he just break it off?”  Because my dear heart, whether he does or does not initiate a divorce with someone is one thousand percent (and that’s not even real math) none of your business or mine or (again) my 7 year old’s or for that matter the old lady shopping for a girdle.  None of us want to know.  But we didn’t have the choice.  You didn’t even give us a choice.

I’m all for talking on the phone while shopping.  Its a lonely business and a ripe opportunity for multi-tasking.  But please, for the love of all things good and holy, don’t be a douche and shut the f%$k up.  Especially if that’s when you feel the need to play the role of Relationship Judgy Judgerson.  The rest of us are not living some Real Housewives of Somewhere life and simply don’t want to know!

Love,

The R&R Mom

 

D-BAD: Social Media Trolls

D-BAD aka DON’T BE A DOUCHE.  Each week I get to call out someone/ someplace or something for being a total DOUCHEBAG.  Its when I get to vent and take out my frustration on whatever makes me nuts each week, are you in?  Feel free to share your D-BAD’S anytime!

Dear Social Media Trolls:

Way to go for trolling on a poor, grieving woman’s social media pages and sending her photoshopped negative images of her recently deceased father.  I’m sure it must give you such a feeling of satisfaction knowing that an already devastated human being is even more unimaginably broken by your actions.  Good for you!

No, not good for you, you little weasel.  How small of a human being do you have to be to treat someone with such utter hatred and disrespect?  Just because her father was a beloved public figure who suffered from a terrible illness, doesn’t give you the right to make what must be her most hellish days even worse.

Someone should kick you hard and square in your “bathing suit” area and knock you in the head to try and put some sense in there.  Or better yet, when you experience your darkest day someone should mock and belittle your tragedy.  Maybe then and only then can you know what true suffering looks like and why as a real true member of the human race, your actions on this day are so deplorable.

Love (because you must really need it),

The R&R Mom and probably every other human being on this planet with any sense of decency at all.

D-BAD: Mr. Contractor

D-BAD aka DON’T BE A DOUCHE.  Each week I get to call out someone/ someplace or something for being a total DOUCHEBAG.  Its when I get to vent and take out my frustration on whatever makes me nuts each week, are you in?  Feel free to share your D-BAD’S anytime!

 

Dear Mr. Contractor:

Thanks so much for all your hardwork to fix our house.  The half-assed way in which you completed the job has left me breathless with disappointment.  I realize that you are being paid by an insurance company so I’m technically not your customer, but the way you completed the job makes my house look worse than it was before you started.  I mean, if it were your house – would you be happy?  Oh and the mess you left is great.  I’m really enjoying the stains and paint drips all over the place.  The open can of turpentine you left out where my kids could easily get at it was an amazing touch.

So, Lovely Mr. Contractor could you do a job right?  Could you finish it so it looks nice and not leave a million loose ends that I have to call and remind you about?  Could you show up when you say you will and not be pissed off when you show up un-announced and there is no one home to let you in?  Oh and do me a favor – DON’T BE A DOUCHE.

Love,

The R&R Mom

D-BAD: An Introduction

I’ve decided to create a weekly post called D-BAD aka DON’T BE A DOUCHE.  Each week I get to call out someone/ someplace or something for being a total DOUCHEBAG.  Its when I get to vent and take out my frustration on whatever makes me nuts each week, are you in?  Feel free to share your D-BAD’S anytime!

THIS WEEK – The BC Liberals

Dear BC Liberals:

Its almost August.  The teachers are still on strike.  We haven’t heard a peep from you for weeks.  The first day of school is almost a month away.  What gives?  Are you all on summer vacation?  Are you meeting with the BCTF in secret?  C’mon, throw us a bone.  Let us know what’s going on.  If there is NO chance we’re going back to school on September 2, can you give us a clue?  I don’t want my kid to experience any more disappointment or disruption because you can’t get your shit together.  DON’T BE A DOUCHE.

Love,

The R&R Mom