D-BAD: The Holiday Edition

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Oh the weather outside is frightful and the fire is so delightful, but I’m heading out to buy cough syrup and wrapping paper.  ‘Tis the season as they say…

Its been a while since my last edition of D-BAD aka Don’t Be A Douche.  Today’s post pays tribute (or lack there of) to a number of things that are making life interesting during this most wonderful time of the year.

To The Brand New Zit On My Chin:

Thank you for deciding to appear NOW just in time for the busy holiday social season.  You could have had the decency to wait until after New Year’s when social plans will consist of a guaranteed pyjama day?  But NOOOO.  Why NOW? Could you just work your way out of my system fast?  OK?  Got that you disgusting blemish – DON’T BE A DOUCHE.

To My Car:

You know I love you and you have been the most reliable bucket of bolts for the past 7 years.  Plus you have the best stereo I own.  But why won’t you start?  What’s the deal?  Did I do something wrong?  I take you for regular maintenance.  I make sure your gas tank is always full.  Aside from the odd coffee cup on the floor in the back seat, I take care of you.  But, like your pal Zit On My Chin – WHY NOW????  Can’t you see it’s Christmas?  Surely you would have some sense of the impending chaos after all the trips to the mall and the amount of times I’ve had to put junk in your trunk (shhhh all you people with dirty minds).  I need you now.  This is not the time to get bitchy.  I love you car, but seriously DON’T BE A DOUCHE.  I’m willing to overlook this little indiscretion if the mechanic sees that this is just one of those glitchy little things that’s easy and cheap to fix.  But if you’re really going to be temperamental we might need to rethink our relationship.

To The Online Shopping Outlet:

Can we have a heart to heart here?  I’m an organized person.  A planner some might say.  I reached out to you in early December and placed several orders for distribution across the country.  I did this in plenty of time so all the packages would arrive well before the big day.  However, completely unbeknownst to me, you are struggling with the volume of purchases and seem to be unable to ship items for 7-8 days.  So that means the shipping estimate you gave me will take another full week or more than I expected.  Now the gifts may not make it in time.  In this case, you’ve already been a douche.  So thanks for that.

So there you have it.  Three current objects of my derision this holiday season.  I’m sure you have one or two as well.  Thanks for letting me vent.

XO

The R&R Mom

 

 

Hustle Bustle Blah

Even the big man is pressed for time...

Even the big man is pressed for time…

Fa-la-la-la-la… its that time of the year again when the pressure is on to take supermom status to a whole new level.  There’s gift buying/wrapping/ delivering, baking, card writing, greeting sending, party going, pageant attending, house decorating, charity giving and general mass organization.  I am the self-appointed project manager of Christmas in our house.

I love Christmas.  Always have.  You’ll never hear a humbug out of me.  Twinkling lights, Bing Crosby, Chestnuts – I love it!  Okay maybe not the chestnuts.  (Have you ever tried roasted chestnuts?  Um euw.)  But it is a lot of work when already juggling momhood with my day job.  So this year I’m trying to go easy on myself and online shopping has become my new best friend.  No more running around the crowded mall, sweating profusely and hoping you’ll find that EXACT thing in the right colour and size.  Hello online shops, you freaking rule.  I just ordered gifts, had them wrapped and delivered from the comfort of my couch.  Does it feel like cheating?  Absolutely.  Am I going to keep doing it?  I’d be stupid not too.  Its all about time management you see and if I did all of that on foot it would take the better part of an afternoon.

And how about those pesky teacher’s gifts.  I mean, poor teach, you probably have a pile of stinky lotions and travel mugs in your desk drawer of Christmas past.  Right?  How many boxes of chocolates can one poor teacher endure.  This year, they are getting a gift in name from Unicef – Survival Gifts to community schools in need.  I figure that may be appreciated more in lieu of yet another Starbuck’s giftcard?

Its the same with the cookie situation.  For years I spent a whole December Saturday baking.  And we all know how awesome I am at that!  Not this year my friends.  Not only am I so far off the wheat and gluten train that I won’t even enjoy the little goodies, I am so bad at making them I’ll save my family the grief.  Oh yes, it will be store bought this year.  Just enough for the big day so we’re not laden with too many treats for the whole season.

This year, I will pour my extra energy in hosting whoever wants to come by for some holiday laughs, creating memories instead of adding to the pile of stuff.  So if you’re in the neighborhood, stop by.  Just don’t expect any cookies or a beautifully wrapped gift.