Jul 11

Adult Conversation

Don't feed the animals...

Don’t feed the animals…

The other day we were out with friends for brunch.  It was a beautiful sunny day and we were entrenched on a patio having a great meal.  The Shorties were with us of course… We tried to carry on an adult (A-dult, not a-DULT) conversation with our pals that we haven’t seen in a while.  It was challenging.  After many tears Shorty #2 managed to pass out in her stroller in the midday heat (woohoo) but this left Shorty #1 looking to be entertained.  “Mom, Mom, Mom” she bellowed across the table.  When I didn’t immediately answer since I was listening intently to our friend recount a story, she yelled louder “Moooooooooommmmmm!!!!”  Apologizing to our friend, I interrupted “Yes?”  She looked me in the eye “I farted.”  Okey dokey, thanks for that.  I’ll alert the media.

We like to include the Shorties in our adult meals and conversations.  I personally think its good education for them to learn by osmosis how to behave in these situations.  I think it helps kids develop their own opinion and can give them the confidence to share their thoughts in a group.  However, while they develop their inner monologue and hone the fine art of conversation they continue to share topics that are not exactly ideal for dinner parties.

Luckily, our friends who don’t have kids of their own have been exceedingly patient with our Shorties, welcoming them into the fold and encouraging their participation in the conversations.  For this I am grateful for the part they play in the kids education.  But it can be trying for them I’m sure as it can take several attempts to actually finish a story, if at all.  For this I apologize.  My post-partum brain after 2 babies hasn’t bounced back as well as I would have liked so I often struggle to stay on the topic and return to the story once interrupted.  I’m working on that!  Perhaps I’ll keep a notepad handy so I can jot down where we left off when the Shorties interject!

Jul 8

The Glamour of International Business Travel

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If you’re a regular at The Rock and Roll Mom, you know I have to travel a fair bit on business.  So I’ve seen my fair share of travel drama.  Its inevitable really.  Rarely does any amount of travel go by completely without a hitch when flying is concerned, especially when you throw in a connection or two to make things interesting.  If you’ve been reading my blog you’ll also know that I’m not a carry-on only sort of girl so throw in a piece of luggage or two and you’ve got the potential for a perfect storm!

With the Shorties, my goal is to always be gone for the least amount of time possible.  This often means taking some pretty crazy travel options to be able to get home as soon as I can.  I’m most proud of my New York for the day trips.  With the help of Cathay Pacific, I can leave Vancouver at 10pm, land at New York JFK at 6am.  Take a car into the city, have a quick shower and then hit the ground running with a day full of meetings, press or even a TV taping (luckily the late night shows usually tape around 4-6pm).  Then I head back to JFK around 8pm to fly back to Vancouver on the red-eye arriving at 2am.  I can sleep in my own bed for a few hours before the kids wake-up.  Genius!  I love it!

But you know, life isn’t always so simple.  Throw in a delay or two and the best laid plans go out the window.  I had one particularly harrowing adventure as I was heading to NYC for a major, 2 day press hit for a news magazine show for one of our clients.  This time I was routed through Toronto.  Some nasty weather in Vancouver delayed our departure and I missed the connection to NYC.  I had a very early start the next morning in NYC with an interview scheduled to take place in my hotel suite.  Luckily I was rebooked on a flight leaving Toronto at 6am.  No problem!  My bag went missing at this point so I was sent off to the hotel with a “Comfort Kit” consisting of a size XL men’s t-shirt, some shaving cream and men’s deodorant around 2am.  After a couple of hours of sleep (if you can call it that) I packed on back to the check-in counter, smelling like a dude in yesterday’s stinking, sweaty airplane clothes.  Luckily my bag was there and rechecked and I was off.

Arriving in NYC at 7am I headed into the city with the rest of the rush hour traffic.  I raced up to my room to shower off the eau de Dude and rinse out my sweaty bra in the sink.  Just as I put down the curling iron the camera crew arrived to set up.  I wrung out my laundry from the sink (I always travel with laundry detergent for moments such as this) and much to my horror realized this hotel room did not have a closet, just a wide open rack to hang clothes.  I found a little perch in the corner of the room to lay my old bra to dry behind the suitcase.  At this point, the crew had effectively taken over my suite – cameramen, producer, lighting and audio guys, publicists – and horror of horrors the esteemed journalist who would conduct the interview had moved a chair to that exact corner of this vast 2 room suite and was now resting his feet next to my dripping bra.  Lovely!

Another time, I was pregnant with Shorty #2.  We were doing a shoot for a TV commercial in Buenos Aires.  It was January so in the dead of the Argentine summer.  I was routed from Vancouver to Toronto, Toronto to Santiago, Chile and then finally Santiago to Buenos Aires.  After landing in Buenos Aires I had that horrible sinking feeling that can only come when you are the last person standing at a an empty baggage carousel, watching the same remnants of packing tape and yarn go round and round, ever hopeful that by some miracle your bag will appear from nowhere.  It was not be, I was 5 months pregnant and I had an early meeting with ad agency the next morning!  The next flight from Toronto wasn’t arriving for at least another 24 hours!  Luckily, shopping malls in Buenos Aires are open at 8pm on a Sunday night!!!  The lovely production assistant took pity on me and brought me to the nearest mall where I managed to scrounge together a wardrobe for the next couple days.  I almost kissed the bellman who arrived the following evening with my bag in hand.

Sprinting through airports to make connections, facing full security patdowns (like can I have a cigarette afterwards kind of patdowns), neverending waits for delayed flights, lost (and found) luggage.  All par for the course when you travel.  On my last trip as I stared down an air-traffic control strike that started while I was en route, I just kept thinking “Oh well, maybe there’s a blog post in all this…”  Looks like there was.

Jul 3

Kids TV

We let our kids watch TV.  Don’t judge.  We all do it.  Otherwise dinner wouldn’t get made, laundry wouldn’t get folded and conference calls would never happen.  TV can be a great distraction for the kids.  But the truth is, its like crack for them.  Once they get a little taste, they want it… all the time.  Shorty #1 will stop any misbehaving the second anyone breathes she will lose movies for the rest of the day.  Shorty #2 has already conquered the iPad and knows how to open Netflix and start an episode of Dora all on her own – and she’s 2!

We are working on reducing screen time for the little monkeys as much as possible but truth be told my own personal opinion (which is not based in ANY scientific research so don’t yell at me) is that there is some good screen time to be had, like Sesame Street or any of the other PBS Kids programming.  To me that’s actually time well spent as early childhood educators are overseeing the crafting of the content and the kids love it.  Some of the apps for iPads/ iPhones can be super* educational (*super in this case is a subjective quantitative description) like Preschool Memory Match (a matching game) and Endless Alphabet (letter and shape recognition).  Some are just fun like the Elmo Monster Maker or Little Bella’s I Close My Eyes.

The real trouble with kids TV programming is the amount of absolute crap that’s being spoonfed to the kids.  Dora is one of the worst.  #2 can’t get enough Dora and is always reminding us that Swiper shouldn’t swipe.  But man, its factually incorrect MOST of the time, yet she is riveted.  Or how about Max and that Bitch Ruby.  Where the hell are their parents?  Ruby is parenting Max and she’s a total shrew!  Don’t even get me started on the other crap coming out of Nickelodeon – where the cartoon kids come with a serious attitude (I’m looking at you Fairly Odd-Parents).

The truth is – my generation grew up watching television far worse than some of the kids programming that can be found today.  How about Bugs Bunny?  Poor Elmer Fudd with his speech impediment out hunting (and shooting) a rabbit.  The Wiley Coyote chasing a Roadrunner only to be violently beaten at every (literal) turn.  Even Sesame Street has box sets of some of their original seasons that come with disclaimers on how they are not suitable for children.  In those days Snufflelupagus was still imaginary and Cookie Monster still actually ate cookies.  I watched all these shows relentlessly and I didn’t turn into an axe murderer and still managed to complete a university education.

Nevertheless, we are working hard to reduce the screen time our kids experience.  It is arguably more frequent since the access is so easy with portable devices.  Thankfully summer is upon us and we can send the kids out into the fresh air.  I think it would be cool if someone started a Summer Camp Screen Time Rehab for kids.

Jun 28

Success

How do you measure success?  Is success attainable?  Once you’ve obtained success – is that it or are we constantly moving those goal posts?  Its a tough concept and is so often perceived as the root to happiness.  At one point are we content with what we have achieved?

I feel like my life has always been in pursuit of more.  Bigger, better… more.  I can’t say its a bad thing.  I could rest on my laurels at any point and say “there I’ve done it” – nabbed that client, achieved that promotion, started a family etc.  But I can’t – I am always striving for more.  Whether that’s a good thing is tough to say.  Am I putting too much pressure on myself to achieve?  Am I creating stress in my life in not settling for what I have already?  Sure, I guess that’s always the case.

Now get ready – are you sitting down?  Here’s where I get all existential on your poor ass.  I think this is the meaning of life.  Simply put – experience.  Learning more, striving for more, feeling more.  Its all a spiritual education and experience is the teacher.

When I think about life this way, I feel more open to whatever is thrown my way.  Good or bad – this is just further education.  Take from it what you can – learn from mistakes, learn from triumphs.  It certainly makes things easier to handle when taking this view.

And achieving SUCCESS is simply striving to learn more.  Happiness is enjoying the process.

PS – this one is for you Maman!

Jun 25

The Hairy Eyeball

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The hairy eyeball.  Its happened to all of us.  That moment when you catch someone staring at you – the up and down.   My Mom calls it “unzipping”.  My reaction is to always go negative – they must think my outfit is stupid, they notice the chipped nail polish, the zit on my chin, the peanut butter finger prints around my knees, the bad hair day.  Or worse, the way I’m handling my kids, the food in my grocery cart, the difficult business call I am taking on my cell.  I always go negative and assume the worst.

The truth is however, if its me doing the staring its generally positive – a cute haircut, nice outfit or impressive feat of juggling that has caught my attention.  I notice myself doing the staring and feel remorse.  Its at those moments I wish it was socially acceptable to yell at strangers:

“Hey – I love your hair!  Who cuts it for you?  Did you need a flat iron to get that look?”

“OMG those shoes are fantastic.  They look amazing with those pants.  I wish I could pull that off.  Good for you.”

“You are amazing.  You’re carrying your toddler on your shoulders, juggling bags and groceries and are heading home to start cooking dinner.  You are my hero and you deserve a medal!”

I fantasize sometimes when driving the car or pushing the shopping cart that I can hurl these compliments on the unsuspecting women passing by.  Social conventions prevent me from doing so, but next time you see me staring you can be assured that I think you’re awesome!

Jun 21

Dinner.

Fine dining with Shorty #2

Fine dining with Shorty #2

Who knew a meal could be such a pain in the ass!  Seriously.  Every day around 1pm as I sit down to lunch I realize I haven’t done a damn thing about dinner.  Next follows the mad panic to figure it out.  The daily hunting and gathering is a constant irritation which provides nothing but stress… oh yeah and in the end sustenance.

We roll in the door sometime between 5:45 and 6 – the kids are starved, we’re pooped and bedtime is just around the corner.  The first order of business is pulling together some sort of quasi-healthy, hopefully palatable meal that will please 2 kids and 2 adults.  And to think we can face this incredible challenge not once a week – but 5 nights in a row.  Awesome!

I know what you’re thinking – make a plan, cook ahead, yada yada yada.  Tried it all – the simple fact of the matter is that no matter how organized we can be on this front, I’m still the person who hits the supermarket during the after work commute hoping to find something for dinner!  Don’t even get me started on groceries – that my friends is a whole other blog!

We have successfully followed a cook ahead plan – a freezer full of curries and soups has been a blessing – but man, I’m BORED of chicken soup.  The nightly meal plan (Mon – Chicken, Tues – Pasta etc) never works.  Who wants to live life so rigidly?  Not to mention the long term planning that needs to go into those menus.

So here we are again, 1pm and I’m texting J – “what do you feel like for supper?” and the response follows one of 3 routes.

1. “I have no idea.  Whatever you want is fine.”  Which translates to: “I have no idea so you think of something.”

2. “Let’s have soup.” Which translates to a pantry lucky dip.

3. “Take out?”  Which translates to “Take out.”

We’re lucky, we live in a great foodie city and can order cheap, fantastic and bonus – healthy food on the way home.  We eat sushi like its McDonald’s in this town.  However, we can’t do this every night.  So begins the conversation – pasta?  No.  Chicken?  No.  Delicious braised lamb with couscous and white bean ragout?  Are you kidding me?  I wish.

This doesn’t even factor in the curve ball of Shorty #1.  A great eater initially, #1 has grown pickier in her old age.  She loves a finely grilled hot dog or a delicate macaroni with cheese.  Occasionally she enjoys a beautiful cheese pizza.  She goes absolutely crazy when anything comes served in a sauce (save for her beloved pasta of course).  We are trying to re-broaden her culinary horizons, but so far this continues to be an uphill battle.

Shorty #2 is far less… discerning.  She will venture into the more exotic territories of the spice route with curries and other savoury dishes.  But she too has her moods and sometimes only scrambled eggs and bapbap (aka ketchup) will do.

So how do we plan a meal for 4 that will appeal to all?  That is sauce, gluten and dairy free.  That tastes amazing to everyone and won’t contribute to our culinary ennui.  Beats me – but whoever figures this out should win the Nobel Prize!

Jun 19

Come on Vogue…

The Cannes Red Carpet - that's my back.

The Cannes Red Carpet – that’s my back.

I’m really lucky.  In my line of work I get to attend some great events.  Fancy do’s with beautiful people and spare no expense excess.  It can be a lot of fun – but I always face the same problem (get ready – this is one of those problems that falls in the “My diamond shoes are too tight” category).  I never know what to wear.

The Red Carpet at the Cannes Film Festival.  The black-tie Kennedy Centre Honors.  Fancy cocktail party outside the Louvre in Paris.  Really, what do I care.  The paparazzi aren’t photographing me.  But nevertheless, I’m a woman and I care about fashion and how I look.  So how on earth do I handle caviar styles with a mac and cheese budget?   All these events are populated by well-heeled attendees who are particularly well-heeled in their Christian Laboutins and couture.  I on the other hand will be wearing something from the Spring 2000 line of The Gap (Black Magic strikes again?) and accessories courtesy of Joe Fresh.

For the record, I always buy my accessories at the local Superstore with the Joe Fresh capsule shop.  Here’s how it goes:

“I love that necklace.”

“Oh this old thing.  I picked it up while buying avocados and diapers.”

Classy, right?  Super fancy.  But its actually ok.  I would love a beautiful couture dress, don’t get me wrong.  But the reality is, I don’t live in the champagne and caviar world.  I just visit it occasionally.

However, on my last business trip to Paris I was given a treat – a beautiful dress from Lanvin.  I couldn’t believe the generosity and was truly touched by the gesture.  This dress is a beaut!  A pretty colour with the perfect drape.  Perhaps I could get used to a little high fashion in my wardrobe after all.

A selfie of the new dress...

A selfie of the new dress…

A little something from Lanvin

A little something from Lanvin

 

Jun 10

I’ve Got a Crush on You

I have a crush.  I admit it.  A complete and total, school-girl like infatuation.  I can’t stop thinking about it, I can’t stop dreaming about it, I can’t stop lusting…

I am in love with a jacket.

Not just ANY jacket.  A blazer to be precise.  A Smythe blazer.  Its SO bad ass!  Its black and cut in all the right places.  The peaked collar gives a little polish while the cut-outs and padded shoulders give it just the right amount of edge.

Either of these Smythe beauties will do fine.

Either of these Smythe beauties will do fine.

I want it… and I can’t have it.

I’m cheap.  I like a sale (remember Black Magic Woman?).  The Smythes are beautiful but ringing in around $600, I just can’t do it.  Childcare bills, swimming lessons, summer camp are all taking precedence over me being united with the object of my obsession.

I love you, you beautiful work of tailoring.  Maybe someday we will be together.

Jun 6

Honesty is the Best Policy

Check out that poker face.

Check out that poker face.

My 6 year old (aka Shorty #1) has always been brutally honest.  The art of lying has (thankfully) been completely lost on her.  She recently learned that perhaps bending the truth was the ideal way to get out of a sticky situation – but she has a terrible poker face and I can always tell:

Me: “Did you hit your sister?”

Shorty #1: “No”

Me: “Are you sure?”

Shorty #1: “Umm, no.”

Me: “Do you want to change your answer?”

Shorty #1: “She was bugging me!!!”

I know I should be happy about Shorty’s honesty.  Hopefully she’ll remain a terrible liar into her teens.  That’ll make my life MUCH easier.  The only trouble is that right now, she doesn’t just speak the truth – the kid is BRUTALLY HONEST.

For instance, last night I was bustling around with the usual evening pre-bedtime rituals – kitchen tidying, kid bathing, teeth brushing, vitamin dosing, toilet paper roll changing, blind closing – you know typical mom duties.  All the while counting down the tasks til I could get into my own pj’s and crawl between the sheets.  Shorty stops me and says “Mom, you know you look really old.”

WHAT?  Are you freaking kidding me with that?  I LOOK OLD?

And it doesn’t stop there.  This is the same kid who comes in for a hug and stops, squeezing my belly saying “Mom.  Your belly is sooooo squishy!!”

Excellent.

So, swallowing my pride I take Shorty #1’s honesty and smile, moving on to the next topic of conversation.  I can’t argue with the truth – let’s just hope it lasts.

Jun 3

The Urban Farmer

Maybe Shorty #1 will have a green thumb?

Maybe Shorty #1 will have a green thumb?

I think I may have a black thumb.  I can’t seem to grow anything… except weeds and zucchini.

When we moved into our house 5 summers ago we inherited a backyard full of beautiful things.  The previous owner was definitely a green thumb and she knew her shit.  Me, on the other hand – 5 years later -and I’m staring down the barrel of Alice in Freaking Wonderland.  Its overgrown and full yet patchy and prickly at the same time.  I realize I need to do some thinning but much like my eyebrows I have a tendency to overdo it.  Good news is that the eyebrows grow back quicker than the laurel hedge (oops).

I thought it would be great to grow things we could eat.  So I spent a Saturday ripping out an entire section of the garden that was currently occupied by a nest of tiger lilies and irises.  I didn’t realize that these were years of intertwined bulbs I was messing with so it took a loooooong time.  I brought in some fresh top soil and set out to plant the garden… from seed.

Yeah.  Those suckers are SMALL.  Really small and you’re supposed to space them apart – far apart.  Well, it didn’t work out as planned I may have overseeded (yes, this led to clusters of mutant mini carrots all growing into one another – lovely).  I lovingly tended the little veggie patch – but as is wont to happen here in the Pacific Northwest we experienced a very extended Spring followed by June gloom and the seeds took ages to sprout.  Finally, July came around and brought some sunshine and warm temperatures to our little yard and the veggie patch jumped to life.

I was buoyed!  Excited about the prospect of cooking up our carrots and green beans, roasting the zucchini and building a cucumber salad.  July marched on and the garden slowly followed behind.

In August the only crop we could actually make into a meal were the zucchinis.  By now I had abandoned the shriveled cucumber plants, bid farewell to the scrawny green beans and well ran like hell from the creepy mutant carrots.  But the zucchinis were there and they were flourishing – yay!  Until…

…the aphids arrived.  I was trying to keep our little backyard oasis organic, so I asked Google what to do.  Ladybugs!  Of course, the ladybugs will eat the aphids.  Off to the organic garden shop to pick up ladybugs.  250 of the little dolls.  I brought them home for what I like to call The Great Ladybug Emancipation.

The next morning I went to check the garden – the aphids were gone… and so were the ladybugs.  Every last one.

That’s when the zucchini developed mold and I hung up my garden gloves for the season.  This year I really gave up.  I’ve just planted a patch of impatiens.  Word has it that they could careless about the sun, so lets see what happens.  I did add a small zucchini patch only because I’m a glutton for punishment.

I guess I’ll never be an urban farmer…