Category Archives: Parenting

Sep 14

Dear Shorty #2

Sleepyhead

Sleepyhead

Dear #2:

Its amazing to me how big you are getting.  You seem to be growing up so quickly.  While we’re on the subject of maturing, could you do me a favor and speed through this thing called sleep regression?  I’m a little wiped out already, but the 2am – 3am wake-up every night is getting a little old and frankly its not doing either of us any favors.  Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE the middle of the night cuddles.  Its the early morning toes digging in my back and elbows in my face that I can do without.

Could you work on the whole “sleeping through the night thing” again so we both can make it through the day?  You see, you’re the lucky one.  You can shut it down for naptime by 11:30am, but I on the other hand am a little busy working for a living to keep a roof over our heads and its somewhat frowned upon in our office for employees to pass out at their desks.

Soooo, if you could work on this for me I’d really appreciate it.  If you can swing it, we’ll be sure to take this into consideration in about 13 years when you’re looking for a later curfew, a raise in your allowance or some new fangled personal electronic device that hasn’t been invented yet.

Thanks in advance for your assistance with this matter.

Love,

Mama

Sep 11

I Aim to Please… Maybe Not So Much Anymore

As you may have gathered by my previous posts, I’m a type-A personality.  I’m also one of those people that’s a pleaser.  I don’t like to inconvenience people and prefer to make things easier for them.  I can’t help it.  I’m actually a horrible spa client as I spend most of the time trying to contort my body into the exact position I think the therapist or esthetician might need.  I mean, I drive manicurists crazy with my stiff knuckles.  Seriously, I’ve been scolded by massage therapists constantly “Can you please relax your arm?”

Its the same with doctors.  I hate to inconvenience an already busy doctor’s office or emergency room with our little case.  I carry that deference to the medical profession that my parents generation had when the doc was always right.  But little by little I’m starting to feel a change as my Type-A is beating out my Aim to Please gene.

This change probably started with pregnancy.  All of a sudden it wasn’t just my own health I was worrying about, it was the Shorties.  The Mama Bear instinct takes over and all of a sudden the infallible Doc that’s only half concentrating on the issue is in my sights.  The health and safety of the Shorties trumps everything else.

Poor Shorty #1 has had a couple of strange allergic reactions, so we were packed off to see an Allergist yesterday.  Luckily, I read the reviews for the doctor and was somewhat prepared for a potentially confrontational visit.  #1 is TERRIFIED of needles.  I mean, she is apoplectic when she sees them.  Anyone who has visited an allergist will sympathize then with the pin-cushion like experience that can happen when being tested for allergies.  She was beside herself when she realized what was about to take place.

The “nurse” was no help.  She tried to mitigate the fear by explaining to Shorty that there would only be 5 pokes.  I finally convinced her that this was a must-do and there was definitely a treat waiting on the finish line.  She sat her 4 foot plus frame on my lap and the nurse started the pokes up each arm.  As she attempted the 6th, Shorty who was carefully counting flipped out.  She very nearly kicked the nurse in the chin.  I thought of apologizing to this total b%^&# but decided not to.  We both sold #1 on 5 needles and she was changing the plan on the fly.  I decided that this was now her problem and suggested maybe next time she should give kids a little more credit and tell the truth.

Now enter the Doctor.  With piles of diplomas and certificates lining the walls heralding his status as a pediatrician and allergist, he came in with an abysmal bedside manner.  Poor Shorty was now itching like mad, allergic reactions abounding from the test.  He gruffly came and grabbed her hand.  When she flinched, he admonished her telling her to “calm down”.  Excellent.  Now I was ready to kick HIM in the chin.  Seriously, why doesn’t he get it?  He must do this all day, every day.

When he told me that Shorty’s reaction to tree nuts was anaphylactic, I was shocked.  I said “really?”.  His condesendingly replied “Well yes!  can’t you see the reaction.  It was 10 blah blahs in a dilution of blah blah blah blah.”  DUDE, you just told me that if my kid eats a cashew she could possibly DIE.  Can you have a heart for two seconds and stop being a f%^&ing scientist?

Now here’s where I pupped out and didn’t actually say this to Dr. Dickhead.  But next time I may not be so civilized and nod and acquiesce and be too afraid to ask questions.  Next time I’ll stand up to that self-righteous ass and ask him to treat me AND Shorty with the respect we deserve as human beings who have come to him for some help.  I hope you will too.

 

Sep 4

The Most Awful Time of the Year

Shorty #1 selects some Coachella inspired headgear for her first day back to school.

Shorty #1 selects some Coachella inspired headgear for her first day back to school.

Labor Day.  Ugh.  What a crummy holiday.  A holiday that celebrates labor should have better name.  Labor and Holiday – bit of an oxymoron, isn’t it?  Holiday Day would be so much better.

My disdain for Labor Day is really more about the meaning of this date on the calendar; end of summer, back to school, no more white pants (and I just got a great pair of white CoH jeans on sale!).  I hate holidays that signal the end of something like New Years Eve or even Sunday Evenings.  Yes yes yes, I hear all you positive, glass is half full, lemonade drinkers out there.  These endings all herald in a new beginning – a new week, a new grade a new year, an opportunity for a fresh start.  Sure, this is true but sometimes we aren’t ready for things to end.

I spent my Labor Day tidying out closets and bedrooms, writing names in labels and packing school bags to get everyone ready to go back to the daily routine of school days.  The sleepy whining, lunch packing and frantic nagging all working towards a crescendo as the clock ticks faster and faster to 9am.  I envy those Moms arriving at the school well before the bell rings, calm and peaceful.  Have they given their kids a Xanax as they woke up and lead them in a drug induced stupor to the classroom door?  I’m sure they haven’t but c’mon, what’s the secret?  I’m usually speed walking through the halls, hair wet and a conference call waiting, all the while encouraging (read: speaking firmly… ok, yelling) Shorty #1 to speed it up.

This is always the most amazing thing to me each morning.  Why is it always such a surprise that we need to eat breakfast, put on shoes (really!) and remember school bags before we head out the door?  Like we don’t need to do these things EVERY morning.  Like the routine is COMPLETELY DIFFERENT every day?  Really?  No seriously, really?

As Labor Day heralds in the new school year with all the promise of a bright future, with young shining faces eager to embrace learning, this Mother secretly cries for the lost summer and morning routines that included cartoons in bed!

Aug 28

Its 9am. Do You Know Where Your Kids Are?

Childcare.  It makes me CRAZY.  I don’t know if its ‘cos we live in a big city or if its just my bad luck.  But man, its been hard.  Really hard.

We were lucky, we had a blessed two year reprieve from childcare woes when we found our beloved nanny, H.  She was (is) amazing and truly became an honorary member of our little family.  She was offered a great job abroad and we were happy for her to follow her passion, but we were sad to see her go.

So here we are back in the muck, fighting for good childcare options.  You see in this town, daycare spaces are few and far between.  You literally have to put your kid on waitlists in utero.  Seriously.  I did this.  For weeks, I filled in application forms and sent off cheques to cover administration fees.  Once Shorty #1 was born and my return to work was 3 months in sight, I started calling around to check our waitlist positions.  328, 127, 222 – we were miles from the finish line.  And then just as despair was setting in, #30.  We were close, with 3 months to go surely a spot could/ would open for us.  Next month I save myself the heartache and called this one centre to find out we were now #128.  What.  The.  F%^&.  Are you kidding me?  How did we go down?  So after writing a scathing email and requesting a refund of my paltry $10, I set off to explore other options.

We ended up with a disastrous combo of a nanny share where the other Mom was a nightmare and a home daycare situation with a woman who ended up being completely nuts.  She actually hurt our kid to teach her a lesson about biting.  (I know I can sometimes embellish for comedic effect – but this actually happened, in 2008, in Canada – I am not kidding).

Finally we ended up in a great daycare that was our home away from home (and still is).

When #2 was on her way, we decided that the smart thing to do was hire a full time Nanny.  This is when H arrived on the scene and saved the day!  All was great for 2 years, until our dear H moved on.

Here’s where things get interesting…

Enter the new Nanny.  At first she was great.  We thought she was amazing.  Kids liked her, she seemed sweet.  Then one day she texted (texted!) to say she wouldn’t be coming in for a week (!) because her son was sick in the hospital.  Three days later we realized she was in Vegas and hadn’t learned that you should log out of your Facebook account when you’re using your boss’ iPad.  We sent her a lovely email telling her she was terminated effective immediately and oh yeah, could she put $10 on red for us?

So we are back on the hunt.  My stress level is high.  We’ll keep you posted and wish us luck.  We need it… again!

Aug 22

Vacation’s All I Ever Wanted, Vacation Time to Get Away

Sorry for the radio silence.  The Rock and Roll Mom has been on a little summer holiday.  Was it fun?  Ummmmm, yeah.  Sorta.  Traveling with the Shorties is always an adventure so if you look at it like that, yeah, it was fun.

We flew across the country for a long weekend to hit up a major family reunion.  One hundred odd relatives collected in a campground.  The Shorties were in heaven… Then we flew all the way back across the country, packed up the car and drove 5 hours to the interior of BC (all in the same 18 hour travel day).  Thank God it was wine country!

The Shorties on Vacation

The Shorties on Vacation

The Okanagan Valley is a great place and worth another post for travel tips and suggestions.  This was a more tame visit as we stuck close to the pool in the 35 C degree heat.

So in a blink, our vacation adventure is now behind us and we’re back home staring down the barrel of back to school and the onset of fall aka the rainy season.  We managed to make decent time on the drive home and I successfully unpacked all the bags and did the groceries so we are well poised to get back in the swing of things.

I promise that blog-writing will be on the to do list now that we are home.

XO

 

Jul 30

It Ain’t Easy Being Green

vectorstock_224829Why the hell does it cost so much to be green?

We try to be green.  We recycle, we compost, we try to use less water.  Its an on-going process as we learn more about what we are doing wrong and trying to correct this behaviour.  After reading about the chemicals in cleaning products and cosmetics, I switched everything in the house over to more environmentally sound cleansers, shampoos etc.  Learning more about the potential dangers in GMO products we are working towards eating more organic products.

When I was first pregnant with Shorty #1, I started to become paranoid about all the environmental dangers that faced the poor little bean before she was even born.  It was easy to become panicked about the microwave or the toilet bowl cleaner, not to mention the food we were eating.  That’s when we started a more conscious attempt at eating organic/ free-range/ grass-fed/ hormone-free/ non-GMO.  We very quickly learned that this proposition is NOT cheap.

Enter Whole Foods aka Whole Paycheque.  This place is a license to print money as it plays on our conscience to try and reverse the damage done.  Seriously, I know I can buy the non-organic peaches for $1 less (or more) a pound across the street but do I really want to inflict one of the dirty dozen products on my kids.  I feel like I’ll be called out on child abuse!  But when you walk out of that place $200 poorer and only 2 bags of groceries to show for it – ouch! vectorstock_1098832

What was the small business solution to a big problem is now the big business bad guy.  So we look for alternatives – Mom & Pops, Co-Ops, Farmer’s Market.  All good options.  But do not replace convenience.  Instead you are schlepping across town to the Co-Op to pick-up the produce, the local butcher for the grain fed meet, then to the big box for toilet paper and the regular grocery store for peanut butter.  So now the weekly groceries kill a Saturday and have a carbon footprint the size of the Amazon rainforest.

We won’t give up however.  We’ll keep striving to be greener.  Maybe we could convert our electricity at home so its generated by a treadmill.  Then we would save the planet, money and have the kids run it so they’ll sleep through the night… Just kidding.

Jul 26

Sleepless Nights

Check out this great book - The Guide to Baby Sleep Positions

Check out this great book – The Guide to Baby Sleep Positions

Just before Shorty #2 arrived, we decided to buy a king size bed.  Turns out this was a very good call.  You see, our kids are like pack wolves.  They love to sleep all snuggled up with us.

When #2 was born, we didn’t even bother with the crib.  She nursed so often, we just kept her in the bed with us (in a co-sleeper – don’t worry!).  Eventually she moved into her own crib and now sleeps in a toddler bed.  But she falls asleep with us and most mornings wakes up with the sun (thank you very much 49th parallel in the summer when the sun rises at 4:30am!!!) and climbs back into our bed.

The challenge is that Shorty #1 is now 6 (and the height of at least an 8 year old) and she often climbs in with us when she has a nightmare or just wakes up in the middle of the night.  Sometimes, we end up 4 across in the king bed with elbows and butts pushing J and I to the outer banks.

I know I should relish this quality, snuggly time with the kids while they kick and wriggle and stick toes in the waist band of my pj’s.  But man, I’m almost as sleep deprived as when they were babies.

Shorty #2 is a hair twirler (like me), but since her locks are only just coming in she would much prefer to twirl (or better yet clench) my hair.  She can’t go to sleep without a good mass of hair to twirl.  Shorty #1 is becoming more independent, but at bedtime her jealousy of #2 shines through and she fights for position next to me.  So this means I get to be in the middle with a kid on either side; twirling, snuggling, clinging, scratching, elbowing etc…  Forget about having to pee, I am stuck there until everyone falls asleep and we can move them to their own beds.

Hands down, my favorite bed-sharing move is the spin.  That’s when the kid’s head moves off the pillow and nestles into J’s back.  Her feet push into my back (usually her little toes hook into the pj’s waistband) creating the letter “H”.  Sometimes you get lucky and get the head in your back – but don’t be fooled it can be as painful getting a melon in the spine.

I know, I know.  I really need to enjoy these moments because in the not so distance future they won’t want to be anywhere near us.  The real kicker is that when I’m on the road in a hotel room all by myself, I can’t sleep.  I need these little monkeys around me.  So I’ll keep drinking lots of coffee in the mornings, use plenty of under-eye concealer and enjoy the moment.

Jul 24

Its My Potty…

vectorstock_939376Shorty #2 is almost two and a half and its getting to be potty training time again.  Shorty #1 was late to the Potty Party.  She didn’t dig it.  Personally, I think it took too much time out of her already packed schedule to sit on the potty and wait for nature to um… take its course.  So she rocked pull-ups for months and months.  I tried everything; brand new Princess Panties – loved them until they got wet.  Incentive chart – fun for about the first five minutes.  Incentive chart with toys still in the box waiting for when she had 10 successful potty attempts – yeah, she forgot.  Nothing worked.  Finally one day not long before her 4th birthday she just decided that that was it – she would use the bathroom.  And she did!  That was it.

This suited me perfectly because I am not down with the “accidents”.  Diaper changing is OK.  I guess I’m used to that.  But the poops in the baths, in undies and elsewhere just gives me the creeps.  Shudder.  I have resolved the fact that I am a bit of a germo-phobe and the lack of controlled circumstances surrounding “accidents” creates too many opportunities for hazardous waste issues.  There’s no containment and a toddler with poopy legs will not stand still long enough for sufficient wiping, so you end up chasing said toddler around the house with the wipes, tormented by the fact that poop is now flying everywhere.  Ack!  Nightmare!

So now #2 is expressing interest in the potty and I’m starting to freak out a little.  Everytime we’re out, she says she has to poop and wants to use the public washroom.  Ummm, yeah, well, I think you can IMAGINE how I feel about that.  But what can I do, I need to encourage her enthusiasm even though I know she just wants to check out the facilities, waste a pile of toilet paper and then flush it away.  So in we go, wishing I had haz-mat suits for us, piling the seat with layers of toilet paper and seat covers, indulging her whim and then dutifully scrubbing both our hands on the way out with a last minute dash of hand sanitizer for good measure.

Today we decided that maybe its time to retire the diapers and graduate Shorty #2 to pull-ups so she can be the master of her own domain.  Am I ready for this?  Do we have enough hand sanitizer and antiseptic cleansers for what is sure to come next? I guess I’m headed to the drug store to stock up.  In the meantime, wish us luck and send Purel.

vectorstock_1244316

Jul 22

Mommy Brain Back-Up!

I thought you should all see this PROOF that Shorty #2 does in fact hide things and I am not losing my marbles!  We spent the weekend in the Okanagan Valley and #2 hid her shoes in the hotel microwave.  True!

photo[5]

Jul 18

Mommy Brain Attacks

vectorstock_2538

Yes it does, when you least expect it.  The phenomenon known as Mommy Brain can be defined as the degradation of one’s short term (and sometimes long term) memory following the birth of children.  Its real.  Make no mistake about it, I’ve experienced it first hand.

Before the arrival of Shorty #1, I didn’t even need to keep a calendar.  Important dates and appointments were entrenched in my little brain like a photograph.  But now, its a whole different story.  Everything goes on my Google calendar which J and I share and (thanks to my favorite Nerd husband) is colour coded for each of our family members.  I need this.  Trust me.

The arrival of Mommy Brain along with #1 came as a real shock.  As you now know, I am a type-A personality.  I like to be organized and keep everything together.  But the capacity to fulfill even the simplest tasks, let alone remembering appointments was degraded completely from a combination of sleep deprivation and crazy hormone imbalance.

I remember one foggy morning attempting to make a pot of coffee, I filled the machine with water and grounds and walked away.   A little while later I heard a weird hissing sound.  Yep, the pot was still sitting on the counter while the black gold was pouring out of the machine all down the front of the cupboard door.  Awesome!  Its still stained to this day.  I don’t know if I was more upset about the mess or actually having to wait for another pot to brew.  Another time, catching up with J listening to him recount his day at the office I actually wiped his nose with a tissue.  Are you freaking kidding me?  I just wiped a grown man’s nose.  Get a grip sister!

#2 is now 2 years old and I wish I could say it was getting better. Maybe it has a little, but we are definitely nowhere near the pre-natal levels of brain function.  To be honest, I think that even though the sleep is getting better and the hormones are re-balancing, the hectic pace of daily life creates the same issues.  Just the other day after the usual crazy morning of getting everyone dressed, fed etc I realized as I arrived at the office that I had left my beloved cellphone on the kitchen table at home and had to go all the way back home to fetch it.

At least I knew where the phone was!  Last week we were hosting a BBQ and Shorty #2’s diaper leaked… while sitting on my lap.  I came in from the backyard to change us both and dropped my sunglasses somewhere.  Couldn’t find them for days.  Made me crazy.  Eventually I found them on a shelf in the closet, obviously left there during my wardrobe change.

I wish I could say the kids help ease the problem, but seriously I swear they like to f%^$ with me.  On a recent vacation, I swore I packed a pair of flip flops and they were missing.  I was sure I was losing my mind only to find them tucked away in the hotel room safe – courtesy of Shorty #2.

So to all my harried friends out there juggling a million things, know you’re not alone when your memory fails and your brain gives up on you!  XO