Grammy Ins-N-Outs

Grammy Awards DIY Hair & Make-Up

Grammy Awards DIY Hair & Make-Up

It’s Grammy week and that usually means a significant amount of frenzied chaos around the office as anyone with an artist playing a role in the show is in a manic state of preparation.  With nominations announced only mere weeks ahead of the show and invitations to present and perform following after, its always a bit of a mad dash to coordinate with military precision all the required to’ing and fro’ing that comes with Awards show territory.

The Grammys are a complicated manoeuvre.  When an artist is thrust under a microscope for their 30 second – 3 minute appearance, on stage where every last detail from what they say to how they look is scrutinized by the media and any douchebag with a Twitter account, there are a lot of details to take into account – wardrobe, hair and make-up, arrival strategy, performance plans, etc etc.  There’s a lot that happens to prep for the big day.

Now, what happens on the ground is a whole different thing.  I’ve been to the Grammys twice.  It was pretty amazing to see it all work.  I’m a nerd that’s done this management thing for a long time, so I found the whole production process and logistical side of the event really interesting.  Yes, roll your eyes – I am a total nerd.  Although, my twelve year old self was pretty excited about the whole thing and kept asking my thirty-something self if Duran Duran still came to these things.

Ok – now here’s where I shatter some images, so apologies in advance.  I think some people probably expect backstage at the Grammys to be a little Bacchanalian or something – champagne flowing, hookers and blowing.  But yeah, not so much… at least not all out where anyone can see it.  Hell – one time I was there, there were even Muppets backstage – Muppets I tell you.  That’s not the sex, drugs and rock and roll we all expect!  But it is interesting.  Was that Miley Cyrus eating a cupcake in a Herve Leger Bandage Dress?  (Lucky little thing – if that were me you would see the cupcake popping through the fabric!)  Was that J.Lo’s legendary butt walking past my eye level as I sat in the green room?  (Yep – and it was magnificent – good for her!)  Was that a size 40 Justin Bieber in a size 44 jacket or was that a waiter?  Was that Florence (as in + The Machine) peeing in the stall next me?  (Yep and  PS – for the record, I DID NOT fan girl her while we washed our hands side by side.  PPS – If you’re reading this Flo – I DO ❤ you.)

An LA King's Throne

An LA King’s Throne

Speaking of which, on one of my Grammy tours of duty I was 6 months pregnant with Shorty #2 (See previous blog post The Glow of Pregnancy to get an idea of how interesting that would have made that day at the office).  The artist I was with was set to perform on the telecast, so we were scheduled to be at the Staples Centre early the morning of the show for rehearsals and be there all day.  The Staples Centre is an arena – and a very big one at that. I should’ve worn roller skates or something to get around (yep – you are welcome for that visual!)  The talent wranglers (bless their cotton socks) took pity on me and helped me find all the hidden secret bathrooms.  I swear people were worried that I would go into labor in the green room!

After rehearsals, we ran to a nearby hotel to quickly change and doll up for the show.  I always love this part the best, hanging with the girls and our bestie the make-up artist, primping and preening.  My feet were so swollen and sore from getting around the arena I didn’t know how I would get into shoes, let alone those platform heels.  That was when I met my best pregnancy friend – MATERNITY SPANX.  Those things saved me!  It was unreal.  If you’re pregnant, go buy them, like now!  Plus they helped hide all the cookies I stole from craft services all day.

So as I tune into the show tonight, I think of my best Grammy memory.  We made it a bit of a tradition for our little Grammy team to hightail it before the show ended, ahead of the stadium traffic and hit the In-N-Out Burger on Sunset.   A pile of animal style cheeseburgers, fries and strawberry shakes were a great way to end a great day (and give us a base for great night – after parties!).  Now pass me another pair of Spanx!In-N-Out


The Glow of Pregnancy

Me at 3 months with Shorty #1

Me at 3 months with Shorty #1

As if!  Ok, I never glowed when I was pregnant.  Unless you count the night sweats at 3am!

I was out buying a baby shower gift for a very sweet friend expecting her first and I started thinking back to those days when I was big as a house.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my girls more than anything and the combined 18+ months carrying them was fully worth it.  But man, I was a BAAAAD pregnant person in so many ways.  Of course, I followed all the rules – no booze, no brie cheese, no sushi (no booze!!!).  I tried to eat right, get enough rest etc etc – but I was not one of those people who glowed.  I did not blossom into motherhood, I sort of squished into it.

First things first, I spent all nine months in a near constant state of panic.  Our generation of pregnant women are able to obtain information about said pregnancy 24-7.  We find out we’re pregnant 3 days before our period is even late.  We can Google any symptom, concern, ache, itch etc and get some diagnosis.  We can crowdsource our pregnancies for pete’s sake.  “When I pee 17 times a day it smells like lemon pledge” – pop that into and you’ll get 14 different responses.

User: MommyBrain

“Oh yeah, that happened to me, but it smelled like Chlorox”

User: GreenMommy

“You can’t use Chlorox its terrible for the environment”

User: MamaPanic

“Call your Doctor immediately, thats a sign of utter and imminent disaster”

The real answer here – Googling for medical advice is a terrible idea – ESPECIALLY when you’re hormonal.

The day Shorty #1 was born, I was so relieved that I could actually SEE her.  What happened next – for the past 6 years, I wake up at 2am, sneak into her room and make sure she’s breathing.  But at least I can check, right?

I had this rose-coloured view that pregnancy would be so amazing.  I would be mother earth incarnate in cute maternity dresses wrapped around my little basket-ball belly, doing pre-natal yoga classes each day and lunching with friends in the last days before babe was born.

Yeah, no.  Not really.  So here are some of the things that weren’t exactly what I expected while expecting…

1.  Maternity Clothes – trying to look like a beautiful, pregnant Gwen Stefani without the help of full-time stylist and glam squad is impossible.  Gwen Stefani’s maternity clothes are not what’s available at the local mall.  The maternity clothes that you can find would be more akin to styles preferred by your grade six English teacher.  And WHY do all pairs of maternity jeans have to include studs and sequins?  WHY?  And don’t give me that business you can maternity COH or J Brand.  Yes, you can get those – but good luck fitting into those puppies at 6 months (ok, for me I couldn’t squeeze into them after my first trimester!)  To add insult to injury, when I hit the 9 month mark I was lucky if I could find a maternity top to cover my behemoth belly!

2. Pre-Natal Yoga – this humbled me.  After 5 minutes into my first pre-natal yoga class I rolled my eyes and thought – this is lame.  I won’t even feel this after 45 minutes.  10 minutes later I was on my back in reclined mountain, sweaty and puffing and stayed there for the rest of the class.  That was the first and LAST pre-natal yoga class for me.

3. Ignorance is Bliss – As mentioned, I lived through my pregnancies in a constant state of panic.  I am an avid worrier by nature – but this was on a whole other level.  In some ways, I wish I had never read all those creepy pregnancy books that tell you what to worry about.  My Mom had 4 kids and she barely batted an eye – and we were all fine!

4. Being Pregnant Gives People License to Boss You Around.  Seriously, the minute you start to show get ready for the onslaught of unsolicited advice from complete strangers.  This doesn’t even begin to compare however to the instructions strangers will dole out to a new Mom – but that’s another Blog.

Hang in there preggo readers.  Don’t worry if you’re not the Drew Barrymore of pregnancy.  And don’t worry if you don’t look like Gisele Bundchen at 4 weeks post partum!  Once your little bundle arrives – its all a distant memory.