Category Archives: Working Mom

Apr 7

Block Rockin’ Beats

I’m blocked.  I wish I wasn’t, but clearly I am.  I love to write and when I’m inspired I can write a blog post in 10 minutes flat.  But sometimes, its like pulling teeth.  I’d rather not write crap, but lately I’ve been in a writing rut and its been really hard to sit down and type like the wind.

What do I do?  Its everyday life that inspires me for topics.  But I guess lately I’ve just been too busy and stressed to see the comedy that everyday life provides.  So now what?  How do I reignite the passion?

Maybe I’m thinking about you too much.  It was easier to write when I didn’t think anyone would read what I had written.  But now those stats loom and the number of very nice people like you that actually read this thing is going up.  It was one thing when I thought I was simply entertaining my Mom (Hi Mom!).  But now that strangers are reading this, I feel a little exposed and self-conscious.  Well, then why did I start posting a blog anyways?  Right?  Geez.  I’m like Kim Kardashian complaining about paparazzi.  C’mon lady, get over yourself.

Maybe that is the answer.  Stop Kardashian-ing.  Stop thinking about anyone else.  Keep looking for the funny in the monotony of daily life and remember why I like to write rather than trying to write what people want to read?  Well, then I’m off to go find a good fart joke to inspire me…

 

Mar 21

Get A Move On

Who needs toys when you have BOXES!

Who needs toys when you have BOXES!

I am sure you have been losing sleep, wondering what happened with our house.  You can tell I’ve been kinda busy with this whole moving thing that I haven’t even had a chance to post an update.  Well, the good news is that we sold our house on the first showings.  The fact that we didn’t have to clean the house for multiple showings was a Godsend and I could kiss those buyers for simply saving me from the complete nightmare it would have been to forensically clean the house one more time.  I mean, come on.

So we’re sold, we’re messy and we’re now waiting for the next horror show – the actual move.  Luckily, the purging and storing plan we were on helped a ton so we only have to pack up the remaining half of our belongings.  J has quite aptly pointed out that the Storage Pod we used could now effectively be tossed into the ocean as we have clearly not missed one thing in there.  (Well, I have missed my red jeans.  Those are in there and I wanted to wear them the other day.)  Don’t worry, we won’t actually throw it in the ocean, we’ll just pile it all into the new basement and look at it the next time we move.

All this aside, the nightmare of packing is still upon us.  It absolutely amazes me how many boxes it takes to pack it all up.  Linens and pantry items, clothing and dishes.  Its a lot of stuff that we need to live everyday (ok almost everyday) and when you start pulling it out of the closets and cupboards and putting into boxes its a crap-load.

The actual move begins a week from today.  Will we be ready?  Will everything make it to the new house relatively unscathed?  Will I make it through the process relatively unscathed?  Will our kids make it through the process and not want to kill us at the end?  Ugh.  What were we thinking.  The old house was great, wasn’t it?  Damn you society for making us want to go bigger and better!

Wish us luck.  We’ll probably need it…

 

Mar 17

A Free (Wo)Man in Paris

Me and J beneath Charlamagne by Shorty #1

Me and J beneath Charlamagne by Shorty #1

We went to Paris last week.  Me, J and the Shorties.  I was excited by the prospect of showing them the City of Light and for a chance to be in Paris with plenty of free time to explore. It was an adventure.

We had been warned that perhaps a European sojourn was not exactly THE holiday for a young family, but an opportunity arose and the airmiles were cashed in and we decided to take a chance, win a prize (in the words of my poetic husband).   You know what, we totally won.  It wasn’t awful, it wasn’t boring and we were not in the least bit disappointed.  But we did learn a few things along the way…

1. International Air Travel in the days of personal screens, iPads etc can actually be pretty manageable.  Just don’t expect Les Petites to like the airplane food, even if it is the children’s meal.

2. Jetlag is a nightmare.  No way around that.  So just accept that for the first few days you may be sleeping the day away, so embrace the night.

3. Sort out your local transportation.  Paris is best explored on foot, except when you’re rolling with a 2 and 7 year old.  Various transport devices for the Shorties was the only way to go.  Stroller, carrier and scooter gave us options for them to move around and still be able to walk for miles.

4. Bribery is awesome.  Nothing like a macaron at the end of a long trip to convince La Petite to carry on.

Shorty #2 enjoys a proper chocolate eclair and wonders if she's found poo inside... Tres charmant!

Shorty #2 enjoys a proper chocolate eclair and wonders if she’s found poo inside… Tres charmant!

5. Don’t expect them to be fascinated by all the incredible art and history around you.  Rather let them be fascinated by the things that they find amazing.  Case in point, we took a trip to Versailles.  Shorty #2 was fast asleep on my back (NOTE: they do NOT allow strollers in the Palace – that was an AWESOME discovery as we reached the front of the line) and #1 was walking along the tour with us.  I gave her the task of counting all the suns she could see (good on Louis XIV for picking an emblem that’s easy to spot and placing it everywhere in the palace, thanks for that dude) but by the time we reached the Hall of Mirrors she was done.  “I’m bored” followed quickly by “I’m tired”  and then followed by “Can we GOOOOOO”.  It was the moment we had been waiting for on the tour and she decided now was the time to fall to pieces.  Luckily the Hall is filled with statues in various states of undress.  The Sun count very quickly became the Weiner count.  She laughed through the whole thing counting penises on the statues and every little naked cherub in the room.  I was pretty grateful for that revelation!

So the moral of this story – be brave, go with the flow and enjoy the moment.  By embracing the simple things on our trip we were able to experience Paris and actually have a great time as a family.

The Shorties at Place des Voges

The Shorties at Place des Voges

Feb 6

Roll On Sweet Baby Roll On

vectorstock_940365I think my family believe in house elves.  Seriously, I’m sure of it.  How else would we perennially have toilet paper on the roll?

I would be a very rich woman if someone paid me every time I changed an empty toilet paper roll or worse restocked the bathroom with spare rolls.  The moment when you sit down and see the roll, empty perhaps with a simple lone square hanging there, taunting you with its sheer futility.  Thanks people in my house.  That’s fantastic.  The real joy is when you go to replace it and there are no spare rolls left.  Not on the back of the toilet, not under the sink, not hiding under the tub.  “J!!!!!!!” I bellow.  “Sweeeeeeeeeetie!!!!   Help!!!!”  as I sit and wait for one of them to come rescue me with a spare roll.

Really, we buy this stuff by the tonnage from Costco, yet getting it to the right place when it needs to be is always a nightmare.  The same principle applies to the hand soap dispenser.  We’re trying to be green, so we buy refills for the pumps.  Some might think that these are miraculous soap bottles, pouring out their clean little hearts ad infinitum.  Sadly, no.  Perhaps then the aforementioned elves are constantly refilling them?  No again.  Its me.  Its me, its me, its me.  I do it.  Just like I put my OCD behavior to good work refilling the coffee maker and Brita jugs every night before bed, I restock the bathrooms.

Maybe I need to really mess with them.  I wish I knew how to short sheet a bed.  Trouble is, its my bed too.  Swap the sugar for salt?  Again, I’m a mess before I have my coffee so how can I remember the sabotage?   Tonight I’ll lie awake thinking of ways to get even with them… if I don’t fall asleep.

The truth is, I only really care in that exact moment when you need to think the unthinkable (ie: drip dry… euw).  So I’ll just happily carry on, planning ahead for each bathroom visit, never leaving anything to chance.

Jan 18

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

It’s Friday night, Daddy’s away and it’s been a hell of a week. Lets go out for a girls dinner. Sounds like a great idea, right? Me, the two Shorties, a nice meal, no dishes. What could be bad about this? Rather than explain, I’ll just share the riveting dinner conversation…

Me: Okay – what do you guys want to order? Pizza, pasta. Great. Done. And juice to drink. Cool.

A moment of calm after the order is placed. Hmm, this could be quite nice.

Three seconds elapse.

Shorty #2 begins to blow bubbles in her drink

Shorty #1 takes away her straw.

#2: Ahhhhhhhhh. My stwaw.

She then pinches #1.

#1: Waaaaahhhhh (crying)!!!!! That hurt. MOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!

#2: Waaaahhhhhhh (also crying)!!!!

Me: Keep your hands on your own body, we don’t hurt each other. #2!! No blowing bubbles, that’s rude. #1 don’t boss your little sister around so much.

By now, the hipsters two tables over are eye-rolling so hard, I can hear their corneas scraping along their eyelids.

#2 burps loudly.

#1: That’s not ok, you shouldn’t burp at the table.

A moment of calm, so we pull out toys to pass the time. #1 has a pile of Barbies that were in some dramatic play where people were falling off cliffs and miraculously rising from the dead. Note to self to monitor her Netflix watching even more closely. #2 has a couple of cars, one of which is now hovering over her juice. Crisis averted the car is now back on the table. Just then #2 inadvertently leans on #1 and she FREAKS out.

#1: Arggghh – quit touching me!!!!

Now #2 is sliding off the banquet.

Me: Where are you going:

She grunts.

#2: I poo.

Stand up diaper change takes place in the change table-less bathroom while #1 holds the fort. Luckily the food is on the table when we get back and there’s a moment of serenity and we actually start to each talk about our day…. For about 35 seconds.

#2: Mo pizza.

#1: I want some of that pizza.

#2 (or maybe #1, I think I’ve blocked it out): What’s for dessert?

#1: I just farted.

Me: Um, cheque please.

Maybe we’ll stay home next time….

Jan 17

Our House

So…we are about to put our house on the market.  Can you imagine the fun and hilarity that is ensuing in our household right now?  Right?  You can see it – boxes piled up, clutter being de-cluttered, windows and walls being scrubbed.  This is SUPER fun.  Now we add 2 kids in the equation and the need to be doing all this in the evenings after work.  We are talking an incredible time had by all.  This is amazing.  I could cry.

Channeling my inner '50's housewife. Polishing the silver in my CoH velvet jeans, not so bright....

Channeling my inner ’50’s housewife. Polishing the silver in my CoH velvet jeans, not so bright….

It all started with the stager.  Perfectly coiffed lady arrives at the door.  She is PAID to tell me what’s wrong with my house.  You can imagine how much I enjoyed that.  I wouldn’t let her in without a clear acknowledgement of the fact that we had only moved in to this space 3 months before and in that time I was on the road for about 2.5 months, so the house wasn’t exactly in top form.  She began to make the rounds… TV has to go, that mirror is too small, your art is hung too low, oh and this playroom is confusing – it needs to be a bedroom.  Excellent.  That was a great experience.  The short story is that in order to sell your house, you basically need to move out and hire Queen Hairdo to completely refurnish and redecorate the place, all for a very small fortune (ie: far more than it would cost to actually purchase the stuff she says we need to make the place passable).  Oh!  To make this even more fun, Her Highness doesn’t even do any of the heavy lifting.  We’re on the hook for the packing, cleaning, light fixture replacing anyways.

So I said “Screw you” to the Duchess of Decor.  I got this!  And you know what, I think I kind of do… Its starting to look pretty good as we pack up the storage pod outside the front door and give the windows a wipe.  A couple new mirrors and lamp here and there, a bouquet of fresh flowers, we can do this.  We’ll let you know if it actually works when its time to actually start showing the place.

The real trouble now is how do we live in this place with the Shorties for the next who knows how long.  That’s the part that’s got me.  Shorty #2 is a walking mess these days.  She’s like PigPen from the Peanuts cartoons only the swirling dust storm around her also includes yogurt and lipgloss.  Have you ever tried to clean dried yogurt off the wall?  And NO, I’m not a savage, I do not neglect the mess so it dries – these are the hidden messes those little fingers create completely unbeknownst to you!  Plus Shorty #1 is like a 3 outfits a day kind of girl.  Not to mention her deep emotional attachment to every single piece of paper on which she’s written, drawn, scribbled or even tested a pen – we NEED to keep them all.  I swear to God this kid has hoarding tendencies.  We’ll be buried soon.  If I don’t post for a while, send a search party.  I’m serious.

My experience though has lead me to build my top tips for Staging Your House with Young Children:

1. Get a hotel room and stay there until the subjects are lifted from the offer.

2. Repeat if necessary.

3. Pray, hope, meditate – whatever it takes that this whole thing is done quick.

Wish us luck!

 

 

Dec 24

Dreaming of a Sleepy Christmas

Sleep regression. Why? It’s really kinda cruel and unusual punishment. Kid hits the 2 year mark and has been sleeping through the night for months and you’re finally starting to think and act like a normal human who gets a solid nights sleep. Then WHAM! (Not the George Michael version) sleep regression hits you smack in the face.

Shorty #2 is 2 1/2. She’s all about sleep regression. Bed time can be a nightmare. Not only do we have to lay with her for the 30-60 minutes it takes for her to fall asleep, we have to be prepared for every single delay tactic she hurls at us.

“I’m not tired.”

“Wanna watch a movie.”

“My tummy hurts.”

And the all time favorite;

“Water.”

#2 has perfected the “water ask” better than any kid I’ve ever met. She croaks it out in a weakened whisper, like Lawrence of Arabia stranded in the desert, she spies the oasis in the distance and begins her plea. “Water” she breathes, when we don’t immediately respond, she becomes a little more insistent “waaater”. If we’re not returning with the glass in hand at this point, she becomes a little more unglued until finally;

“WAAAAATEEEEEEERRRR”

When finally sufficiently watered and AT LAST asleep, usually after us, we’re now able to settle in for a solid 2-3 hours before the next wake up. This can happen any time between midnight and 4am. And it totally SUCKS. No matter what wakes the little bean, she’s up for minimum another 30-60 minutes. Tossing, turning, kicking, elbowing. Finally she remembers her favorite tool, “WATER” she whispers.

Eventually she’ll doze off again, and I’m up. iPhone blazing, email checking, Facebook nosing – I can’t decide if technology helps or hinders insomnia. If I’m lucky, I’ll catch another hour before the house wakes up to start the day.

And here we are again, back to that sleep deprived state of early motherhood. Living for caffeine and relying on that 3rd cup of coffee. I’m sure the light is at the end of the tunnel, lets hope it’s a nightlight.

…and to all a good and sleepy night.

Xo

Dec 19

Its Beginning to Look a lot Like…

The Christmas decorations in the hotel on my last trip kept reminding me of my shortcomings as a gift giver...

The Christmas decorations in the hotel on my last trip kept reminding me of my shortcomings as a gift giver…

Yes, yes it is.  The most wonderful time of the year.  Unless you’re someone’s mom.  Then its a little less wonderful and whole lot more manic.

I was organized this year.  With all the time on the road, I buckled down one free Saturday and did all the Christmas shopping in one shot.  Ordered the out of town gifts online so they shipped directly.  Sorted out the Shorties.  Organized.  Awesome.  Now we’re a week away from the big day and I’m starting to second guess.  Its like when you make a record and it takes 6 months for the label to release it, you start to worry.  Will it be ok?  Will they like it?  Is it enough?  So now I’m in that manic panic of running around from store to store coming out empty handed.  I know I shouldn’t worry.  Three weeks ago I was on top of the world, doing the Rocky run around the house, fists pumping; “I’m done!!!”  What happened between then and now that I am second guessing every gift I bought.  Seriously?  What’s my problem?

Aside from my own psychotic need to please people and make everyone’s holiday perfect, I’m also now deep in the throes of the hostess gift.  Stocking the right amount of gifts to give to those kind enough to invite all 4 of us over for some holiday cheer.  When you have toddlers, the hostess gift better be good to make up for the pomegranate juice spilled on the white carpet or Shorty #1 single handedly tearing off the fireplace door (this actually happened…).  Maybe a gift certificate for a maid service?  Or a free post-holiday/ visit by us carpet cleaning?  These are good ideas for next year.

I know I shouldn’t be so hard on myself and to be honest, this year I’ve taken a bit of a chill pill.  There’s no lights on the outside of the house and save for the stockings being hung by the chimney with care, the inside Christmas decor is kept to a minimum.  Maybe I’ll even live up to my annual vow to “not go overboard this year.”  So if you’re on my list, I apologize in advance if you hate it or if you think I cheaped out.  Its all about the presence, not the presents – right?

Happy holidays.  xoxo

Dec 16

Blurred Lines

I’m home!  I’m home, I’m home, I’m home.  I am so f#%@ing happy to be home, I can’t even tell you.  This last trip was 10 days, not too bad.  But the break between trips was just a week, so it felt waaaay longer than normal.

Its strange to come home after such a long and intense roadtrip.  Life on the road is a little manic.  You spend all your time with a bunch of people that become your family in a way.  This little unit of people traversing across the country (or the world!) experiencing all kinds of madness and chaos along the way in the hyper microcosm that is entertainment business.  People catering to your every need.  Successes earned.   Surreal moments experienced.  Calls home are tough, brief and don’t cover the half of the stuff that’s gone on…

Shorty #2 is happy I'm home...

Shorty #2 is happy I’m home…

The next thing you know you’re walking in your front door, to the family waiting within.  All smiles and kisses and hugs. This is where you experience The Blurred Lines of your life – the reality of life on the road and life at home.  The difference between room service and the empty fridge, feather beds and snotty sheets, car service and the gas station.  Life on the road can be plush.  Life at home can be tough.  Maybe the lines aren’t so blurred after all.  What time is our dinner reservation becomes do we have any cans of soup in the cupboard?  Can housekeeping collect the laundry becomes holy sh&%, how can two kids create so much laundry?  Oh, there’s George Clooney at the bar becomes there’s my neighbor taking up 2 parking spots again.

If you’ve been following the R&R Mom, you’ve heard me prattle on about this before.  I love coming back to the reality that is home.  But it always takes a couple of days to get back into the swing and not expect the maid to make my bed.  Some other road warriors I know call it their grumpy time.  It really is a readjustment.  For me, its trying to slow down to the pace of everyday life rather than the protracted 18 hour work day that the road can be.  The first day I’m home, people expect me to be tired; “You don’t want to meet for lunch when you’re just getting home!”  Quite the contrary, just try and stop me.  Poor J – I’m like ” Lets go here and here and here and HERE and then when we get home lets do this and this and THIS.”  Day 2 on the other hand and I’m crashing.  Can’t stay up past 8pm.  That is NOT a very rock and roll bedtime.

So here I am back in the land of poopy diapers and grocery lists, happy for a little reality check.  Counting the days until the next trip (5) but this time for vacation with the shorties!

Dec 11

Heartbreak Hotel

I stay in hotels a lot.  All kinds of hotels running the spectrum of number of stars.  In my opinion that makes me kind of an expert on what makes a hotel awesome (or more likely, not so awesome).  The real question is – when is anyone going to ask me my opinion?  Probably never.  But, guess what?  That’s why God invented Blogs, so people like me can blab away with their opinion, especially on the bad things hotels offer to cause the travel heartbreak.  Right?

#2 - Hotel Guest

#2 – Hotel Guest

So here goes, my top ten tips to hoteliers on what they need to do to make their hotel awesome….

1. Hooks – I hate hanging my clothes in a hotel closet.  Especially when I’m only there for like 12 hours total.  A hook or two by the door would be awesome!

2. WiFi – hotel wifi has come a long way from the days of the dreaded firewall that blocked email and other such shenanigans.  But man, why does it still cost $35 a day.  The sound of the words Free WiFi is like a choir of angels singing…

3. Counter Space in the Bathroom – What’s with this?  People travelling – especially girls – are carrying toiletries and cosmetics.  Why is counter space always an issue in a hotel?  Big sinks, fancy tissue holders, soap dishes.  I need space for my stuff so if you’re not going to give me drawers in the bathroom, then how about a little counter space.  Same applies for shelf space in the shower.

… and speaking of showers….

4. Rain Showers – I HATE these shower heads.  They are a pain in the ass especially when you’re having a non-hairwashing day.  HATE.  Its true.

5. Mini Bars – Ok, I kinda like mini-bars sometimes but lately I keep encountering an empty fridge in lieu of the stocked mini-bar.  I rarely dip in and sometimes like to self cater a little, so finding middle ground here would be awesome.  A little bottled water (still and sparkling if you don’t mind), coconut water and maybe some booze, but leave a little space for some of my own snacks.  How about that?

6. Slippers.  Barefeet in a hotel room = EUW.  Slippers = Yes please!

7. Amenities – I’m all for the boutique brands for the bathroom amenities.  Love them.  But FORGET it if they contain anything rose scented.  Seriously, the perfumey products are a bad idea.  PLUS, I haven’t met a dude yet that wants to use gardenia scented shampoo.  Keep it simple.  Clean, mild scents are a much better way to go.

8. The Hotel Car – Who gets to use it?  What’s the point?  Yes, I see your Bentley parked out front, but if the chances of me using it are nil, then get it out of my face.

9. Breakfast – Make it available.  Make it good.  Make it quick.  Doesn’t have to be free but highway robbery would be frowned upon.

10. Music – Don’t forget, I work in the music business so I appreciate the ambiance that comes with music.  However, I am not down with an elevator that could double as a disco (I’m looking at you W Hotel in Hong Kong) or walking into the room to a full frontal assault of horrible smooth jazz courtesy of the turn down service.  Neither are probably necessary, like at all.

So there it is.  I won’t charge for my consulting services on such matters.  Just upgrade me next time I’m through.

XO