The past 8 weeks have been a bit of a drag. Lots of travel for both me and the Mr (mostly separately) coupled with holiday prep and an unending schedule of stuff to do has left me feeling depressed, stressed, overwhelmed and full of self doubt. I was wracking my brain trying to get to the root of all this unpleasantness.
I love Christmas. I love the noise and the chaos and the Christmas songs. The hustle and bustle can be overwhelming but the end result is always my favorite so I knew it couldn’t be that. Job stress – sure, thats a constant, no avoiding that. Kid stress – also, ever-present. Trump. Yeah, probably. I mean who isn’t stressed out these days reading the news.
Then it hit me. Its my phone. Its my beloved electronic leash that is ALWAYS within reach. Its the pinging and the beeping and the tweeting and BBC News theme going that is making it all seem so crushing.
F***ing Facebook and all its ads and snoopy bulls**t. Instagram filters that make us look 20 years younger – except with an perennial f***ing flower halo. Rants on Twitter that prove someone’s complete idiocy in a mere 140 characters. And don’t even get me started on Snapchat. I have NO f***ing idea what that is supposed to be. (A younger Millennial friend once explained to me that it’s like the Tooth Fairy – it only works for people under a certain age. Amen because I haven’t a clue how all that swiping is supposed to work).
Its been weighing me down. A deep sense of FOMO that perhaps things were happening in the world that I needed to know about. I thought it was important to keep up with the developments in world news. Sure, I would capture all of this knowledge from my Social Media circles. I would read about the loss of loved ones to an old school friend that I haven’t spoken to in 25+ years. Relentlessly sharing Missing Person reports for people I don’t even know. Reading about terrible days of others or worse seeing the dreaded one sentence post about how something awful was happening to them but no details at all, #FML – what does that even mean? See its all worry we internalize. I wonder if they found that poor little kid in Kansas. I better check Facebook and see.
That’s more than I bargained for when I signed on to the ‘Book 10 years ago. At the time I thought, wow that will be fun to check on old school friends. Like a virtual reunion. But now the whole thing is a mess and I don’t think I can take it anymore. I want pictures of people’s kids and to see what they are up to. I’m not down with any more creepy ads that are sent to me based on an algorithm that’s spying on me. I don’t want to read my friend’s comments on other people’s pages. That’s none of my beeswax, see? I don’t want to see political news posts that are nothing more than bold faced lies of propaganda.
However, I’m also clearly a junkie. How do I get off this merry-go-round? Cold turkey? Maybe just wean myself off and keep Instagram since its the least offensive? Can I de-activiate the Live feature so I don’t have to keep refreshing?
This lame bullsh**t has turned us all into voyeurs and its giving me the creeps. I actually woke up on Christmas morning and worried about my pyjama choice in order to present the best possible Social Media presence… just in case someone posted a shot of me mid-coffee and Baileys.
Enough is enough. I’m too old to put up with this nonsense and at the end of the day its all just making me sad. Either that or I’m peri-menopausal. I’ll let you know which.
The R&R Mom